3/23/19 - Not All EXPLANT Journeys Are Created Equal
Updated: May 2, 2019
Symptoms: Head HUM, dry eyes/skin/hair, headaches, falling over/vertigo, chronic fatigue, muscle pain/weakness has returned, more severe joint pain hips/knees/hands, food sensitivities, stomach cramping, profuse sweating, TOXIC body odor :(
My recent 'Healing HIATUS', spending several days "unplugged" (no phone, no social media, no computer, no WORK, minimal TV) and focusing on PRAYER, meditation, quiet time, sleep, just allowing my body to REST, I found myself in a sea of clarity. God gave me my "WHY" regarding my body having such a tough time after explant surgery which, for me, offers so much peace. And, truly, it's not just about the 'why', it's the fact that I find myself actually embracing this new normal right now, living in full acceptance of my current reality. This acceptance is my 'miracle'. I've spent my whole life fighting my body, punishing myself for being weak or tired or just NOT GOOD ENOUGH. And that broken record tried to play when I didn't experience the miracle 'cure' with explant surgery, when I couldn't JUMP out of bed the next morning ready to scream IT WORKED! I found myself questioning why I did the surgery, maybe it wasn't my answer, I was WRONG...AGAIN...my body is too damaged from all my years of torturing it ("GUILT"), I could go on and on about the noisy voices in my head that tried to condemn me yet again, more punishment, more FAILURE. And you know what would have happened, I would have put my poor ailing body under even MORE stress, and stopped any healing, and made myself even more sick. But, once again, by the grace of GOD, I made the decision to quiet the noise, not just the MEAN voices in my head, but any external noise that keeps me from hearing HIM, that keeps me from listening to MY BODY, and my miracle happened. So many hours reading The Word, praying, talking to myself with a gentle and KIND voice, just learning to love being with little ole ME, and you know what happened?!?! I heard a voice loud and clear, the voice of the Spirit that resides within every single one of us, and that voice spoke softly "This is YOUR time, Ginni...the time to embrace FULL healing...healing of your body from this illness and, more importantly, your SOUL from a lifetime of struggles." I was able to finally give myself permission to take all the time I need to get through this, one day at a time, SLOWLY, as my body allows. I was able to finally respect and love myself enough to TRUST the process and just BE IN IT :)
I truly believe that for many of us, losing our boobs is only the beginning of what could be the most incredible opportunity for GROWTH, to really learn to love ourselves and find our beauty and strength from WITHIN. But in order to embrace this opportunity, we have to be willing to QUIET the noise that fills our lives. We have to be willing to SLOW DOWN and talk to God, talk to OURSELVES, and, most importantly, be willing to LISTEN to the gentle 'healing' voices that can only come from inside our being, where God lives. Imagine if explant surgery could be the catalyst to changing your life, in the most amazing way, a way you could never have even dreamed possible. If you think it sounds crazy or too far fetched, guess again...because, I'm here to say, it IS possible, because, I, my friends, am LIVING PROOF!!
"Your light will break forth like the dawn, and your HEALING will quickly appear." ~ Isaiah 58:8