3/18/19 - Am I Falling For My 'Itty Bittys'?!?!
How can it be that only a few days ago I was terrified at what the 'post explant' mirror reflection would be and now I find myself crying tears of utter JOY at the 'itty bittys' staring back at me?!?! I feel like a walking MIRACLE these days!! God has completely shifted my perception of myself, allowing me to embrace this ALL NATURAL self as beautiful. Just a short time ago, when my reality was turned upside down and I realized explant was my only option, my entire being was filled with fear and utter terror. I simply could not imagine a life without my boobs; my insecurities, my issues with self-esteem, my lack of self-love and acceptance, EVERTHING came to the surface. How would I ever look in the mirror and be OK with the monster staring back at me?!?! And yet here I am...after much prayer, after surrendering FULLY to God, after taking the biggest leap of FAITH and putting my trust in Him that He would carry me through this...HERE I AM, embracing what I see in the mirror, excited about my future with my new IMPROVED self. The closer I get to God, the further I get from the need to be anything more than I already am, in all my natural beauty, the body and SOUL that He created. The sense of peace that is beginning to fill my being is one that I tried for so many years to find in plastic surgery, botox, fillers, alcohol, food crutches, exercise addictions, searching for ANY way to fulfill my need to feel beautiful, to deserve LOVE. And never having ANY luck with these ways of coping or trying to fill a void, never in my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined that the feeling of love and deep inner peace was with me all the time...that the answer to my struggles has always been, simply put...WITHIN ME!!!
I'm dumbfounded, I'm grateful, I'm THRILLED to be slowly breaking FREE.....
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all." ~ Whitney Houston