2/27/19 - FEAR creeps in...Surgeon Anxiety!
Updated: May 1, 2019
Explant scheduled 3/11/19
Symptoms: productive AM causes YUCK afternoon, double vision
Choosing the correct surgeon for explant is SO IMPORTANT for so many reasons. First and foremost, chosing a surgeon that can SAFELY remove the implants, ideally by performing the en bloc procedure (discussed in more detail in 'En Bloc Remvoval' BLOG) is paramount. If en bloc is not possible due to thin scar tissue capsule or for other reasons, then at the very least a FULL capsulectomy is REQUIRED to ensure all toxins have been removed from the body to allow for HEALING after explant. (There are many recommended surgeons listed on the websites I share throughout my blogs and on the BII Information TAB of this site) I personally chose to see four different surgeons before making a final decision. There were not many listed in the San Diego area and, although I would have been willing to travel if I was unable to find a surgeon closer to home, personally I really didn't want the struggle of travel, hotels, etc...didn't want to further stress my body with all of that if I could find a surgeon in my area what I felt comfortable with.
Here's how my surgeon SEARCH played out...
>> The first surgeon I saw was the most empathetic and personable, which is very important to me. He made me feel HEARD regarding my health issues and it was at his office that I was introduced to a now 'good friend', a former patient of his. She was in the waiting room and was willing to share her story with me; her confidence in her surgeon and his team of nurses and how INCREDIBLE she felt after. Very GOOD consultation overall (even through the MELTDOWN in his office as I started absorbing the REALITY of what was to come! Thank GOD for Elisa, my new 'waiting room buddy' that came in to speak with me and rescue me from my tears!) Walked away feeling good about him.
>> The second surgeon was affiliated the UCSD and had all the credentials I was looking for but her bedside manner left a lot to be desired. She spoke very 'matter of fact' about my needing to just get these implants removed and that I shouldn't be thinking at all about how I will LOOK after surgery. Well, SORRY, but this insecure woman wasn't quite ready to be 'tough loved' during such a vulnerable moment. I mean seriously, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that my BOOBS have made me this sick and now I have someone saying, "sorry, you're not gonna look very good after we take them out but your health comes first so DEAL WITH IT" Ok, her words weren't quite that harsh but my overwhelmed and fearful mind 'heard' it that way. So...needless to say, she wasn't at the top of the list...NEXT!
>> Number 3 consult went better than number 2, THANK GOD! Although the surgeon didn't really want to talk much about Breast Implant Illness and wasn't a so-called 'believer', he gave me hope that I wouldn't come out looking like a monster after surgery, that he would do the best he could with what I have, removing the implants and the capsule, en bloc if necessary but full capsulectomy regardless. I left feeling more hopeful and in better spirits BUT still wished he was a little more knowledgeable and accepting of BII.
>> Finally, surgeon consult #4...but truthfully going into this consult, I am already pulling for #1. I truly believe God is directing me that way. But I decided to get yet another opinion to help me make a better educated decision. Nice guy but a little over the top 'salesman' type of personality which just didn't vibe with my current emotional state (sad, pissed, scared, HATING THIS!) I heard him out, said THANK YOU...then called surgeon #1 on the car ride home and that was THAT!
Now, just because I chose a surgeon and felt strong in my decision, that it was the CORRECT one, doesn't keep this busy minded lady from overthinking everything and finding herself in moments of utter FEAR! It's a BIG decision...my health is failing and I just need to know that this surgery will not make me worse. I need to trust that the surgeon is good enough to keep me SAFE from more toxicity or further damage to my body. Doubt is POWERFUL and robs us of peace! But, even though this video shares my fears and exposes my doubt, I have to honestly say that deep inside, I am OK with all of this. God has got my back, he always has. I know that no matter what, He will carry me through this! He is my ROCK and I am so grateful for my faith because, honestly, without it, I'd be in a straight jacket by now!!!
"You know the truth by the way it FEELS."